Resurrection time yet?

Art

Modems

*dial* Brrzzzzzzzz…..buuuhh eerrr err err RREEEOOOWWW……ding Congratulations you are now connected to the internet. Would you like *disconnected*

*dial* Brrrrzzzzzz….buuh eerr rr r r r qe@$^#%^#7.....ding
Welcome back to the internet. Would you like to view an image? Please check back in forty *disconnected*

*dial* Brrrzzzz….boo dooo dooop…If you would like to make a call, please hang up and dial again. Urrr uurrr urrrr. *disconnected*

*dial* Brrrrzzzzz… buuhh Rrrr RRR RR REEEOOOWWW DING!!! *Diconnected*
“WHOSE ON THE GOD DAMN PHONE? I HAVE TO CALL THE OFFICE!”

*dial* Brrrzzzz….DING!!!
“Time for dinner”
*disconnected*

Nudity

Nudity was first brought up in this previous entry on The World. To wit,

Spirits, of course, are the intoxicating liquid forms of food, in that they are also ingested for sustenance, but are only properly used in times of partying—an activity involving laughter, dancing, and eventual voluntary nudity.

Voluntary nudity can include spontaneous nudity, whereby one's becomes so inflamed with alcohol that one becomes infatuated with one's social popularity, and wishes to bare all in hopes of both gaining acceptance for one's natural treasures, as well as hoping for a spontaneous orgy. Voluntary nudity can also be a result of an implied volunteerism with a false "forced" aspect, such as is evidenced in a game of "strip poker". One volunteers to enter the contest, and thus gives implicit agreement that their own nudity could be a result, even if the traditionally desired goal is to see others in their nude state, and hopefully have it degenerate into a spontaneous orgy.

Involuntary nudity is the inverse of voluntary nudity. Examples of this can include "pantsing" by people who you thought were your friends (may or may not involve alcohol), faulty zippers on prom dresses, and being seen when you emerge from a cold creek while on a camping expedition ("shrinkage").

Nudity on the internet may be voluntary or involuntary, depending on whether or not it involves a live webcam in your dorm room at two a.m., or just pictures your ex promised he'd never show another soul but ended up posting on Photobucket when you broke up.

Clock

Clock of Doom: This legndary clock is where time is actually buried.



The Clock, or "Time™ Captain," is an internationally recognized piece of machinery designed to hypnotize mankind into the depths of ennui. Clocks are deceiving by nature, using anything from sticks to numbers in order to convey the sun's approximate postion through the display of a series of coordinates known as Time™ . True though it may seem, Time™, is merely a social construct created by man in order to know when to go to sleep and when to wake up. Clocks are the harbringers of Time™, and display the necessary coordinates needed for one to effectively make use of one's daylight hours by keeping a schedule of events, and then becoming a slave to that schedule.

Time™ Captains themselves are not inherently evil, but often times are constructed in such a way to enrage and agonize any common man or woman beyond belief. Beyond Belief! Some clocks are equipped with "alarms"-- which are auditory signals to announce the arrival of a designated Time™ which range from such awful sounds as DONG to DI-DEE-DI-DI-DEE-DI, and even the cauterwauling echo of BREEEKBREEEKBREEEKBREEEK!!! The alarm can cause a series of emotions including fear, depression, anger, sadness, badness, whiny, sick, nervous, weariness, resentment, and mad.

Clocks come in a variety of shapes and sizes, including smaller, wearable versions called "Watches" because its the only thing you wear that does anything. These go on your wrist or on a giant chain around your neck, Flava Flav.

Puppies

Watch where you step! Puppies literally could be anywhere without a trained eye or understanding. Puppies are born from dogs. The general type of dog does not matter. What matters is the dog’s gender and that gender has to be female. A female dog is fertilized by a male dog. This fertilization will cause puppies to start growing inside of her. After a gestation period of roughly 63 days puppies will start clawing and tearing their way out of their mother’s womb. Once one puppy has appeared ANOTHER might be on the way, so keep your guard up. These puppies are near genetic clones to the birth-mother and the bastard father who humped her at night and is now eating spaghetti with some other broad. They start covered in mucus that hardens into fur. This fur is designed to keep the puppies warm and safe. At first everything these puppies do will be cute. When they poop you will awe. When they pee you will giggle. After about eight months the puppies will cease being cute. That is why they lose the title puppy and become a dog.

Tacos

A meal consisting of several ingredients mixed together and wrapped or folded within a flour or corn based shell. The main ingredient is some sort of meat, usually horded from the tender innards of cows or chickens, which are first boiled and then fried. The meats are placed haphazardly in the shell of either the soft or crunchy version of the taco and topped with absurd vegetables such as tomatoes, lettuce, or onions. Tacos also include cheese or a variation thereof. The SUPREME version also includes sour cream, which is a form of lactose that has expired and become “tangy”. Tacos are eaten in groups of three or more and are accompanied by an appalling beverage known as Pepsi. Tacos are interchangable with burritos, chimichangas, flautas, nachos, tortas, tostadas, and CrunchWrap Supremes. Do not confuse with the Mexican Pizza, which is neither Mexican, nor Pizza.